I haven't thought about this in years, but with bleeding out my thoughts out in the real world, some thoughts have come out.
When I was in the third grade, I had my one and only lesbian act. I was 8 and she was Asian. We always found excuses to go to the bathroom, though I was the follower. I remember the "humping" we'd do. But I was never comfortable with her and one day while we were rubbing each other, some junior high school girls came in to use the bathroom. I was so scared, because I knew it was wrong what we were doing, at least to my 8 year old mind. I never talked to her again.
Fast forward to now. I wonder if that act warped me? I am not very outgoing when it comes to meeting the opposite sex. I for some reason expect a man to come on to me and be wowed by my personality and sexual know how. But that is not how it works. I have not had a steady cock in 14 years. I am ready to burst at the seams. I have thoughts and ideas, but no one to share. I think I am just shy deep down and scared about what others will think about me. I want things and crave things, yet I never act on them.
But writing out my thoughts, well this helps. It also allows me to be free in ways I have never thought I'd be.
Repressed Sexuality
Posted by
nettagyrl
5/23/09
2 comments:
As a 43 year old bisexual male I can certainly sympathize with you,. I have many similar feelings.
Thank you for commenting. Being anonymous, seriously allows me to tell things I've told no one! I feel things, but I also wonder, have things in my past truly shaped me to be the person I am now. I have no idea if I'd be into anything other than men, yet I do admire the beauty of a woman. Well I am an open book, at least as long as I write about my deep dark secret self secretly.
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